Love

February 20th, 2007

Recent events have had me thinking, what is this THING we call “love?”

The events were these:

[1]

I went with a group of good friends to the planetarium at the Griffith Observatory. We learned about the Big Bang and about the endless universe, which, if I think about it too much, makes me feel like I might throw up. I have only so much Negative Capability. My brain can’t help but take this information and try to do SOMETHING with it. If that something is not going to be an answer to the endlessness of the universe [gag], then how about this: The human race began as exploded energy, everything is motivated by survival-of-the-species instincts, and human emotion is thereby a function of that instinct. Yes, that’s where I went. To a place where all of my feelings are programmed into me for the purpose of advancing the human race. Why do we “love” our families? So we will protect our genes. Why do we “feel” romantic love? So we will mate and team up to protect our genes. Why does it feel so satisfying to be “in love” with Stevel? Because nature made it so it would, so I, wanting to feel good, would help to populate the endless universe with Stevelings. And then together we would protect them from little things like diaper rash and even, by embracing and funding societal interests in science and communication, etc., from big things like AIDS and bombs and the inevitable end of our planet.

[2]

I visited the La Brea Tar Pits twice, once with these same friends, and once with my mom, who was here on a visit. I saw evolution and extinction played out in the preserved bones of Ice-Age animals. I thought about animals’ emotions. They are simple, if existent. Human emotions are so complex. Still, there was no emotion I could think of to which I couldn’t assign some biological advantage. Even depression, if I viewed it as an extreme of sadness, could be seen as a motivator to make change when conditions are not optimal for one’s “happiness,” which I think mostly boils down to an individual matching himself or herself up with the activities that feel the most “fulfilling,” i.e. the most maximizing of that individual’s “talents” and “interests,” which are really the things that individual can best contribute to the effort toward advancing the species.

[3]

I went for a hike up high with friends, and we saw some amazing fossils and gorgeous views of the city and local terrain. Well, of course, we think our human endeavors—our cities—are cool and beautiful when we view them from above. We may be turned off by things like garbage and crowds (gene competition!), but civilization is neat, right? So why do we also find nature so beautiful? The coolest part of this hike was this cloud that rolled in out of nowhere, moving FAST and enveloping us in cold, poofy mist.

Note: David took those photos. You can see Jeremy‘s photos by clicking here.

[4]

Steve and I celebrated Valentine’s Day. We bowled with friends and then today went to Canter’s Deli, which is where Stevel proposed. I also received a beautiful, handmade blockprint card depicting a human heart. This has to be more than the refinement of ages-old, exploded energy. There’s SOMETHING spiritual about love. It makes me want a lot of things that go beyond survival. It makes me want to express myself. It makes me want to put someone else before myself. It makes me willing to tolerate hurtfulness and flaws in certain people. It makes me want to have furry, little creatures who poop in indoor boxes beg me for stinky canned food and sleep with me at night.

I’ve often wondered about compatibility. Some of my best friends are the women who initially lived on my dorm floor. We bonded and stayed close. I mean, I love those girls. And I love the friends I made at my first real job, and my family. What if I had been born into a different family? Would I feel just as much “love”? What if there had been different girls on my dorm floor? Different coworkers? Would we still have become such close friends? Would I have felt just as compatible with them? If I say yes, then I basically acknowledge that these relationships are not special, or “destined,” or anything more than the fulfillment of something instinctual—some pack-animal mentality. That we as humans generally find people who are familiar to us to be beautiful.

But if I say no, then I buy into something spiritual. Connection, destiny. Love as we define it in literature as far back in history as hieroglyphics and as recent as a cheesy Valentine’s E-card.

I think love is both. It’s spiritual AND instinctual. Something that makes the struggle to survive worth it. Something that fills us with longings and desires, to mate and to protect. Something that completes us as human individuals. Something … to live for.

One Response to “Love”

  1. Dad Says:

    DEEP. But I know you can trace the Gene for Family Love to the Grandfather you never had the chance to meet. He was only with his children for a short time. But each one has the same abiding Love he always showed for others, in them. And our children posess it in great measure. Family and Friends who are as close as sisters and brothers. These are attributes of your genetic heritage.

    But the person you are, have been and will be, are also attributes of the Love you show and receive. You have a discerning eye that looks in to another soul. It does not stop on the surface. It goes to the root of another person.

    What the Heart perseives, the mind receives and the connection of soul is acheived.

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