A lot of four-year-olds think underwear is funny, and Violet is no exception. She and my 13-year-old niece Erica this summer made up a chanty little song. These are the words:
“Look-it my UN-derwear.
Look-it my UN-derwear.”
I know, ha! Ha. Ha. So funny! So cute! And not appropriate in many of the moments when she sings it. And aggravating when we are T-minus four seconds from being late to school, and she is still not dressed and chanting this song as she races around her room evading my grasp.
Erica, I’m glad you had that special, special chance to get in touch with YOUR inner four-year-old. P.S., you owe me six months of relaxed mornings, or at least mornings where there is no chanting during the chase scene. Or maybe I can even the score right now by telling the Internet about the permanent wedgie you had as a little one?
Back to my point: The amazing sub-genre of comedy that is underwear jokes. If you want to appear witty at a party where preschoolers are in attendance, simply raise your juice box and say something like, “So-and-so, I can see your underwear.” First-rate!
But that’s basic stuff. Let us progress to a slightly higher level of humor. Violet’s Nana taught her this little gem:
Violet: “What’s under there?”
Unsuspecting Person: “Under where?”
Violet: “YOU SAID UNDERWEAR!!!!”
Let’s just say it was funny the four-thousandth time.
To no one’s surprise, Violet mastered the “You Said Underwear” routine and became adept at noting just the right moment when Mom or Dad would be distracted enough to fall for it unknowingly. She is a cool performer now and can manage to hide her excitement over the impending gotcha. She has moved on …
This afternoon I was doing laundry, and Violet came to me and said this:
“Mom. I got a great idea. How ’bout we put a pair of Dad’s underwear here under the couch. Then when he gets home, I can say, ‘What’s under there?’ And it’s underwear!’”
I know. Brilliant.
We were hours from Steve’s arrival home from work, but yes, of course, we planted the underwear under the couch. And yes, she waited for a nice, typical moment to pop the question, and yes, Steve was all, “Yeah, yeah, underwear.”
But dude, there was actually UNDERWEAR! Under THERE! Because Violet is a comedic genius or something, and I’m not just saying that because I’m her mom. This is original material. This is like little Steve Martin in Pull-Ups making up knock-knock jokes.
Oh. This is going to lead to great things.